10 Steps to a Healthier Relationship
Step 1 — Build Your Relationship with God
Come to God through the love of Jesus Christ and build a loving, personal relationship with Him.
Step 2 — Understand Yourself
Make an honest list of your positive and negative traits. Recognize your strengths as well as the areas where you need to grow.
Step 3 — Strengthen the Good Within You
Allow God, through His love and guidance, to strengthen your positive qualities and help you overcome your weaknesses.
Step 4 — Understand Your Partner
Make a thoughtful list of your partner’s positive and negative traits. Do this with understanding rather than judgment.
Step 5 — Encourage Your Partner Through Love
Allow God to strengthen your positive qualities so that you can encourage, support, and love your partner. Help your partner experience both God’s love and your love.
Step 6 — Surrender Your Finances to God
Surrender what you have financially to God. Seek wisdom together about spending, saving, giving, and preparing for the future.
Step 7 — Ask God for Direction
Pray for God’s direction for your own life and for your relationship. Seek His wisdom when making important decisions together.
Step 8 — Commit to a Loving and Positive Relationship
Commit yourself to treating your partner with love, patience, respect, forgiveness, and encouragement—even during difficult times.
Step 9 — Be Trustworthy and Honest
Build trust through honesty. Be truthful about your actions, feelings, commitments, finances, and relationships with others.
Step 10 — Have the Courage to Follow God’s Spirit
Have the courage to be led by the Spirit of God. Let your words and actions be guided by love, truth, patience, forgiveness, and compassion.
The Goal
A healthy relationship is not about two perfect people. It is about two people growing in love, learning to forgive, becoming trustworthy, and seeking God’s direction together.
Love God. Love one another. Grow together.
Workshop
10 Steps to a Healthier Relationship
Growing Closer to God and Closer to Each Other
Workshop Purpose
Healthy relationships begin with our relationship with God.
This workshop helps people examine themselves, understand their partner, strengthen positive qualities, surrender important areas of life to God, and learn to love one another through the example of Jesus Christ.
Theme Scripture:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” — Matthew 22:37
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” — Matthew 22:39
WORKSHOP FORMAT
Suggested length: 3–4 hours
Each step includes:
Teach → Reflect → Discuss → Pray → Act
Participants should have a notebook or workbook and a Bible.
OPENING SESSION
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Leader Teaching
Many people enter relationships asking:
“What can this person do for me?”
A Christian relationship asks a different question:
“How can God’s love change me so that I can love another person better?”
We cannot control another person’s heart, but we can surrender our own heart to God.
Throughout this workshop, we will focus first on our relationship with God and then on how that relationship affects the way we treat the people closest to us.
Opening Questions
- What do I want from my relationship with God?
- What do I want my closest relationships to look like?
- What needs to change in me?
- What am I willing to give to God today?
Opening Prayer
Lord Jesus, open our hearts today. Help us see ourselves honestly and see others through Your love. Give us wisdom to know what needs to change and courage to follow You. Teach us to love as You love. Amen.
STEP 1
Come to God Through the Love of Jesus
Key Idea
Before strengthening our relationships with others, we strengthen our relationship with God.
Scripture
“We love because he first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19
Leader Teaching
Christian love begins with receiving God’s love.
We don’t earn God’s love by becoming perfect. Through Jesus, we come to understand God’s grace, forgiveness, mercy, and purpose for our lives.
As we experience God’s love, we become better equipped to give love.
Personal Exercise — My Relationship With God
Rate each area from 1 to 10:
Prayer: _____
Trusting God: _____
Reading Scripture: _____
Following God’s direction: _____
Forgiving others: _____
Showing love: _____
Then answer:
What is one thing I could do this week to become closer to God?
Couple Discussion
Ask each other:
“How can I encourage your relationship with God without trying to control it?”
Prayer
“Jesus, help me know Your love more deeply and allow that love to change the way I live.”
STEP 2
Understand Yourself
Key Idea
Healthy relationships require honest self-examination.
Scripture
“Search me, God, and know my heart.” — Psalm 139:23
Exercise — My Personal Inventory
Write five positive qualities you see in yourself.
My Positive Traits
Now identify areas where you need growth.
Areas I Need to Strengthen
Examples might include patience, listening, anger, forgiveness, communication, generosity, responsibility, affection, honesty, or faith.
Important Rule
This exercise is about yourself.
Do not use it to explain what is wrong with your partner.
Ask:
“God, what do You want to change in me?”
STEP 3
Let God Strengthen Your Positive Traits
Key Idea
Instead of concentrating only on our weaknesses, we can ask God to strengthen the good qualities He has already placed within us.
Scripture
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” — Galatians 5:22–23
Exercise — Growing the Good
Choose your three strongest positive qualities.
Quality #1: ____________________
How can God use this quality to bless someone else?
Quality #2: ____________________
How can God use this quality to bless someone else?
Quality #3: ____________________
How can God use this quality to bless someone else?
Challenge
For the next seven days, intentionally use one of these strengths to demonstrate God’s love.
STEP 4
Understand Your Partner
Key Idea
Understanding is more powerful than judgment.
Scripture
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19
Exercise
Write five things you appreciate about your partner.
Now identify areas where the relationship could grow.
Instead of writing:
“You always…”
write:
“I would like us to grow in…”
Couple Exercise — Five Minutes of Listening
Partner A speaks for five minutes.
Partner B does not interrupt, correct, defend, or solve the problem.
Partner B then says:
“What I hear you saying is…”
Switch roles.
Discussion
Ask:
“What is one thing I do that makes you feel loved?”
Then:
“What is one thing I could do better?”
STEP 5
Encourage Your Partner Through Love
Key Idea
Your strengths should help strengthen your partner.
Scripture
“Encourage one another and build each other up.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Exercise — Words That Build
Complete these sentences about your partner:
I appreciate you because…
One quality I admire in you is…
I see God working in you when…
One thing I want to encourage you to do is…
Seven-Day Challenge
Give your partner one sincere word of encouragement every day for seven days.
No criticism attached.
Simply encourage.
STEP 6
Surrender Your Finances to God
Key Idea
Money should serve the relationship rather than control it.
Scripture
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” — Matthew 6:21
Couple Exercise — Financial Honesty
Discuss:
Income
Debt
Savings
Giving
Spending habits
Financial fears
Financial goals
Retirement
Major purchases
Three Questions
What has God provided for us?
What financial pressure are we carrying?
What financial decision should we pray about together?
Commitment
“We will seek God’s wisdom and practice honesty with each other concerning money.”
STEP 7
Ask God for Direction
Key Idea
Don’t simply ask God to bless your plans. Ask God to help shape your plans.
Scripture
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” — Proverbs 3:5
Exercise — Our Direction
Individually write:
What do I believe God wants me to become?
Then discuss:
What kind of relationship do we believe God wants us to build?
Create Three Shared Goals
Spiritual Goal: ____________________
Relationship Goal: ____________________
Life/Financial Goal: ____________________
Prayer Habit
Choose one regular time each week to pray together about these goals.
STEP 8
Commit to a Loving, Positive Relationship
Key Idea
Love is more than an emotion. Love involves choices.
Scripture
“Love is patient, love is kind.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4
Exercise — Replace the Negative
Instead of:
“You never listen to me.”
Try:
“I really need you to listen to me right now.”
Instead of:
“You don’t care.”
Try:
“I need to feel that we’re working through this together.”
Instead of attacking the person, address the problem.
Couple Commitment
We will try to:
Listen before reacting.
Speak respectfully.
Avoid humiliation and name-calling.
Apologize when wrong.
Forgive.
Encourage each other.
Pray before major decisions.
Seek help when we cannot resolve serious problems ourselves.
STEP 9
Build Trust Through Honesty
Key Idea
Love cannot flourish without trust.
Scripture
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully.” — Ephesians 4:25
Personal Reflection
Ask yourself:
Am I trustworthy with money?
Am I trustworthy with friendships?
Am I trustworthy with my words?
Do I keep promises?
Do I hide things because I fear conflict?
Do my actions match what I tell my partner?
Trust Exercise
Finish this sentence:
“You can build greater trust with me by…”
Then:
“I can become more trustworthy by…”
Important Principle
Honesty should be combined with love.
Truth should not become a weapon.
STEP 10
Have the Courage to Be Led by God’s Spirit
Key Idea
Sometimes following God requires courage.
It may mean apologizing first.
It may mean forgiving.
It may mean admitting we were wrong.
It may mean changing an unhealthy behavior.
It may mean showing love when our pride tells us to withdraw.
Scripture
“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” — Galatians 5:25
Final Personal Exercise
Ask God:
What do You want me to change?
What do You want me to stop doing?
What do You want me to start doing?
Who do I need to forgive?
Who do I need to ask for forgiveness?
What loving action should I take this week?
FINAL EXERCISE
Our 30-Day Relationship Commitment
Choose five commitments for the next 30 days.
☐ Pray together regularly.
☐ Spend intentional time together.
☐ Give encouragement every day.
☐ Listen without interrupting.
☐ Discuss finances honestly.
☐ Read Scripture together.
☐ Have one technology-free meal together each week.
☐ Apologize quickly when wrong.
☐ Show affection regularly.
☐ Ask, “How can I help you today?”
Our Additional Commitment
Our Starting Date
CLOSING MESSAGE
A healthier relationship does not begin by finding everything that is wrong with another person.
It begins by asking:
“God, what do You want to do in me?”
As we become closer to God, His love can change how we speak, listen, forgive, encourage, handle money, make decisions, and respond during difficult times.
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is growth together through the love of Jesus Christ.
Closing Prayer
Lord Jesus,
Thank You for loving us.
Help us become the people You created us to be.
Teach us to listen before we speak, forgive when we are hurt, apologize when we are wrong, encourage instead of criticize, and choose love over pride.
Give us wisdom in our relationships, our finances, our decisions, and our future.
Fill us with Your Spirit so that Your love can be seen in the way we treat one another.
Help us grow closer to You and, through You, closer to each other.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Take-Home Challenge
For the next 30 days, ask yourself one question every morning:
“How can I show the love of Jesus to my partner today?”
And every evening ask:
“Did my words and actions today bring me, and the person I love, closer to God?”