The Love Bank

J Douglas speaking below

Well, now that you’ve written down what your five greatest needs are and your spouse wrote down what they think yours are, before we go any further to look at those, we need to talk about the love bank. Again, under the same authors of the book, I’ve already mentioned the love bank is what each one of us has. Each one of us has a love bank account for everybody we come into contact with.

We either put deposits in the account or we’re taking out of the account. So you need to realize, and I’m not gonna pick on husbands, but especially husbands, but wives also, everything you do, everything you say to your spouse is either adding to the love bank or subtracting from the love bank. And like any bank, you know, after you had so many withdrawals, the account’s empty and they close the account.

And that’s what happens to so many people. They’ve got so many problems in their relationship and they don’t know answers for it, and finally the accounts are closed and they just don’t wanna deal with the other person. So we’re gonna talk about the importance of the love bank.

So just think about something you may say, and we’re gonna be talking about this later in communication, but something you may say that may be a withdrawal from your love bank. Write that down, okay? And then I’m gonna want you to share that with your spouse here in just a little bit. And spouses, when you see what they wrote down, ask them to explain to you why that is a withdrawal.

Because usually to us, we see our needs and we’re assuming everybody else is gonna be like ours, and that’s just not the case. I mean, God created us so different, which is a blessing, it’d be sad if we were all alike. It means, you know, if three of us were like me, two of you aren’t needed, and I’d hope it’d be you two that were taken out, not me.

So in understanding the different needs, I want you two to talk about this. After you’ve written that down, and then also write on that same list so you can do this, what would be a deposit? What could your spouse do or say that would be a deposit into your love bank account? Write that down, and then we’ll talk about it.

Five Greatest Needs

J Douglas Below

Okay, today we’re gonna be talking about your needs and what your greatest needs are. There’s a book called His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, and I’m gonna ask you about some of these needs and say where you’d put them. Okay, first place, let’s just write down, guys, I’m gonna give you a blank sheet of paper.

I want you to write down what you think your wife’s five greatest needs are. Ladies, I want you to write down what you think your guy’s five greatest needs are. I’m gonna give you a minute to do that, well, probably a couple of minutes, and then when you get finished with that, we’ll go on from there.

Okay, first place, now that you’ve written those down, if you have room, turn the paper over, and if not, I’ll give you another sheet of paper, because now on that piece of paper, ladies, that you wrote down what you thought his five greatest needs are, I want you to take time to write down what your five greatest needs are. And sometimes ladies have trouble finding five needs to be able to write down, but I want you to try to write down what you believe are your five greatest needs. So guys, on your sheet of paper, turn it over, write down what your five greatest needs are.

And when you get finished with that, then I’m gonna tell you what to do with it. Okay, now that you’ve finished your list, I want you to exchange papers with each other. And while you’re getting ready to look at what your spouse thinks your greatest needs, let me just say this.

Guys, I don’t want you to feel stupid and dumb, because you probably don’t have a clue what your wife’s greatest needs are, because most guys don’t have a clue until they actually come in and learn what those are. And ladies, don’t be upset if they’re not close to what they are, because again, it’s just a guy thing. No one’s ever trained guys how to understand women, and that’s what we’re gonna take time to do, is help you both understand each other and what your needs are.